McCaffrey’s Musings:
By: Tim McCaffrey
Demanding & Demeaning: Do You Know the Difference?
In this edition we have two ‘Words of the Day’ and a quiz. Get your #2 pencils ready!
Demanding is defined in multiple ways but for simplicity’s sake, we will use this definition: (of a person) making others work hard or meet high standards.
A baby who doesn’t sleep through the night can be demanding. So can a basketball coach. I have always thrived in demanding but respectful atmospheres. Most people do!
Demeaning as a verb is chronicled as, to cause a severe loss in the dignity of and respect for (someone or something).
For some people, these two words cause more confusion than (see what I did there?) their/there/they’re, but luckily the Musings is here for you!
POP QUIZ!!!!!! Put away your devices and books; it is now time for a test! Below is a video of a coach talking to his team. Is this demanding or demeaning? Viewer discretion is advised.
https://twitter.com/lilyyyelise/status/1618622279533105153
Pencils down… I said PENCILS!!!!!! I see you in the back writing in pen! And don’t tell me it’s erasable (but I digress).
That video is a disgusting display for a coach who is now unemployed. That coach is Mark Morefield and he was the women’s basketball coach at Mary Hardin Baylor (MHB), a private Division III school in Texas. I will get to him in a minute <cracks knuckles>, but first let me discuss the video.
If your program is so toxic that a video of practice somehow gets released because your team is scared of you, there IS a problem. I found the story of a former MHB basketball player harrowing. “He made me hate myself as a person and a basketball player. My mental health was at a point where I felt like I was drowning.”
While there are student-athletes who may not know that a demanding coach is trying to get the most out them as a player and as a person, the above video is demeaning. A gold star if you answered correctly. There is never a need to call anyone names. It is possible, but HIGHLY unlikely, this was his first incident. People like Morefield, an interloper from men’s basketball who had as much business getting a women’s basketball job as I do, should have never been gifted the chance to be a bully. This guy is talking about playgrounds? How much ya wanna bet this guy got his lunch eaten at the playground? The justice at MHB was swift and Morefield was dismissed, but how many others are out there treating players like this and where do they go? I see people with faux outrage when a 19-year-old is called a girl instead of a woman, but I wouldn’t send my daughter knowingly to get demeaned by anyone. Would you?
Morefield didn’t play basketball at Valparaiso, but according to his MHB bio he was a student assistant for the men's team, where he majored in Sport Management and graduated in 1998. Eventually, he was named an assistant coach by Scott Drew at his alma mater, who then took Morefield with him to Baylor in 2003. In 2012, Morefield was caught up in an NCAA investigation that ended with Baylor on probation and Morefield on the unemployment line. According to the NCAA, Morefield tried to falsify the context of his texts to recruits, among other violations. The shamed coach was forced to take a high school job before MHB came calling in 2015. Morefield did release a statement after he and his latest school parted ways:
“My coaching intensity to build a consistent championship program did not align with the University of Mary Hardin-Baylor… I wish the team the best as they finish out the season. I hope to build another program in the near future.”
Full statement here: https://www.kwtx.com/2023/01/24/morefield-no-longer-umhb-womens-basketball-coach/
This is what it should have said: “I have embarrassed basketball, my institution, friends, family, and colleagues with my actions. I need to step away and get the help I need to become a complete and caring human.”
This guy is looking for his next gig, and knowing how things work, he’ll get one.
Back to the purpose of the column… Are you talking to people the right way? Are you respectful in your discourse with others who may be lower on the totem pole? Can you do better? Can you try?
In summary, if you are not sure if what you’re about to say is demanding or demeaning, be kind!
Musings will be back on Monday in its usual location! Until then…
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This was written by Tim McCaffrey, to write to him, try t.p.mccaffrey@gmail.com, he returns every e-mail!